


In Extremis

by Es_Aitch



Series: Twelfth Doctor One Shots Series 10 [12]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-11-23 02:01:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Es_Aitch/pseuds/Es_Aitch
Summary: Spoilers for everything. All the deaths and death-ish things, thoughts, and feelings happen because that’s the classic meaning ofIn Extremis.  This will be a multi-part story covering the different characters as they confront their mortality.  Chapters posted in order written, not in chronological order.





	1. The Doctor

The Doctor stood there before the house and knew what he had to do. He had been holding off his regeneration for over two weeks now. He stood there and took a breath.

“Without hope.”

Yet hope was hard to resist. He had hope that all the others could be saved. He even hoped Missy and the Master were safe. He stood there without hope for Bill, but she had made her choice. He would rather have her die like this, than face her asking him to kill her again. Oh, that was very selfish, wasn’t it? Still, it was better this way. They could die together. He stood there without hope for himself. He finally understood himself and he didn’t want to regenerate again. He didn’t want to be someone else again. He didn’t want to have to face relearning all of these same lessons _again_. He would die. He would die well. This was right.

“Without witness.”

The Master had expectedly rejected him. Missy, had clearly been conflicted. Her words said that she rejected him, but when she had touched him, he could tell her emotions said she would return to his side. Nardole had gone to lead the humans to safety and Bill would face the Cybermen’s attack from the back. He stood alone. As he had told Rafando so long ago now, he did that often. Today would be different, though. Today would be the last time. But like Bill, he decided that he would rather die as himself than go through regeneration and become someone else again.

“Without reward.”

His only reward now was a good death. He hoped he could be as brave as Katerina, Adric, or River. He hoped he could be as certain of the outcome here as he had been when he started to break through the wall of Azbantium. But no. That is what was meant by ‘without reward.’ He wouldn’t get to have any of that.

He felt the blast from the Cyberman in his back. He gasped and nearly went limp more from the shock than from the pain. His idea had worked. He had been holding off his regeneration for weeks and he had enough of it stored up that when the blast hit him, it didn’t knock him out, it didn’t kill him. It barely hurt. He nearly laughed. But that would give away his plan. Instead, he turned and introduced himself. “Hello. I’m the Doctor.”

The next blast hit the centre of his chest. Good thing, too. It probably would have fried one of his hearts otherwise. That one, he had to admit, hurt. It took him a few moments to get his breath back. “… _The_ Doctor. The original, you might say.”

The third blast was nearly too much. He collapsed to his knees. He saw the regeneration energy flowing into his hand. He didn’t want to regenerate, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to die either. He encouraged himself. “Doctor. Doctor, let it go. Time enough.”

With that, he activated his sonic one last time. And the world around him erupted into flame. “Pity. No stars. I hoped there’d be stars.”

But that’s what _In Extremis_ meant. Without reward. Without witness. Without hope. The stars would have granted him all three. That was all, then. The only thing left was to close his eyes….

It was the sound of all of his companions calling his name that brought him back to consciousness. Those living and dead: from Bill all the way back to Susan. But it was _her_ voice… Missy’s… that forced him to gasp for breath. He came around completely confused and baffled. Spewing words from other regeneration moments. Then he felt it starting again. And this time, he would not do it. He had meant to die. He had accepted it. And that is what would happen.

The TARDIS landed. And all his fury turned on her. “If you’re trying to make a point, I’m not listening! I don’t want to change again. Never again! I can’t keep on being somebody else.”

It had taken him several years to remember where he had seen his face before. And the confusion of not understanding why he had chosen it had made him question himself so much that it had taken a long time to settle into himself. He didn’t want to go through that again.

That was the one thing he had learned during his time in his Confession Dial. If he hadn’t learned anything else, he had learned that there came a time when it was time to stop. Time to let go. And after facing that argument hundreds of billions of times, he had finally accepted it. It wasn’t fair, but that wasn’t the point. A good death would be the only point left. So, he left the TARDIS and fell into the snow and pushed the regeneration energy into the coolness to stop it.

He heard a voice. One that was familiar. One that he hadn’t heard in billions of years. One that was impossible…. And he came face to face with his first self. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was Hope, Witness, and Reward after all.


	2. Nardole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s be honest, Nardole deserved an actual ending...

The Doctor told him to lead the evacuation and his heart sunk into his stomach. They had been a team for so long. All the Days on Darillium. From the moment the Doctor saved him by cutting him out of that metal body and pieced him back together until… well, until now. He thought he had died the day Hydroflax took his head. He had faced his mortality often enough and had lived a great deal longer than he ever expected. Besides, he knew if he failed to protect the Doctor, River Song would come back from the dead and kick his arse.

So he fought back with everything he had. Telling the Doctor exactly the kind of scum he was, in the hopes that the Doctor would understand and let him save the Time Lord. Besides, he had lived a long time. And when he realised he was no more than a jigsaw puzzle of parts, well, he accepted that in many ways, death would be better.

But the Doctor held an ace up his sleeve. “One of us has to stay down here and blow up a lot of silly tin men. And one of us has to go up there and look after a lot of very scared people, day after day, for the rest of their lives, and keep them safe. Now the question is this, Nardole, which one of us is stronger?”

Nardole knew that the Doctor wasn’t just talking about physical strength or emotional strength. The Doctor had that in spades compared to him. The Doctor was talking about ways to relate to humans. He was talking about the ability to stay put day after day. Nardole even knew that he was talking about his own coming regeneration. In the end, Nardole knew where those things were concerned he was far stronger than the Doctor could ever be. It’s why they had made such a good team. Nardole knew how to keep the people safe, because he knew how to keep the Doctor safe. The Doctor would always, always sacrifice himself. While everyone else viewed the Doctor’s sacrifices as selfless, Nardole knew a deeper secret. He knew the Doctor through River’s eyes. The Doctor sacrificed himself, because he could no longer bear the idea of living on when everyone else died around him. It was his weakness. It was a weakness that would eventually lead to the deaths of every person on the ship. Nardole’s strength was that he could live on saving as many people as he could and knowing that would be enough. There was only one word to describe it.  “Damn.”

It seemed that Nardole would be the one to survive this. And when Bill rejected his offer to come with him, he knew he would survive this on his own. There were no words for that. That is when Nardole realised where his own weakness was. He would care for those humans and protect them fiercely. But he would do it alone. There were no words for that. He lacked the poetry of River Song and the command of the Doctor. He even lacked the compassion of Bill. All he had was looking after a bunch of scared people.

Watch over them, he did. Hazran partnered with him, against all his protests. He learned he did have the words. But they came out in the form of stories. In the dark nights when the Children were especially scared, he would tell them of the Doctor and the Cyberman, Bill. He would tell them if one Cyberman could be good and protect them that maybe others could as well.

The children grew, aged, married, and had children of their own. Hazran died and Nardole cried over her loss. Nardole lived on, never changing. The Doctor had made sure of that based on how he had pieced him back together. Since there were always more children to protect, he always found purpose in living. As he grew in age, he realised that he never really could sacrifice himself. Not in the way the Doctor had. He was far too selfish for that.

Every fifty years or so, he would have to find a way to blow up the floor and move the humans another few floors. One time, they were able to move a full fifty floors. The people thought they were safe, but of course, they wouldn’t be. Not until someone could go to the basement and blow up floor 1056, but being that close to the engine, it would probably blow the entire ship.

Finally, after nearly a thousand years, they reached floor 0. Nardole stumbled out and looked around. The TARDIS was nowhere in sight. He went to one of the boards. The Doctor’s drawings were still on it. Nardole went to the place where the TARDIS had stood and crumpled to the ground. He wept. Meekle, one of Alit’s descendants went to him. She wrapped her arms around him and let him cry for some moments. “Nardole? Are those happy tears, or sad tears.”

“Both.”

“Both? How can they be both?”

“The TARDIS is gone. I’m sad because that was how I was hoping we would escape. But since she’s gone, it means the Doctor survived. Somehow.” He looked up at her. “That’s why he left me with you. He was always one to run. But he’s _alive_!”

He finally took control of his emotions and stood to take the captain’s seat. “Still, we’re quite a bit further from the black hole than we were before. We might be far enough away that I might be able to turn the ship around. If we can manage that, then we’ll have all the time we need.”

It took about two months to complete the manoeuvre. But once they did, they were able to jettison the lower half of the ship into the black hole with all of the Cybermen and the Mondasians were able to escape for once and for all. Nardole found them a little planet where they could reside and live out the rest of their days in peace.

One night, many years later, Nardole was standing near a little water hole. He stretched out in the grass and looked at the stars. “I still remember you. And miss you. And I want you to know that even after all this time, I still haven’t found the right words.” He paused and spoke their names quietly to the stars. “Doctor. Bill.”

He started to weep. There was a puddle a few feet away and from it grew the form of Bill followed by her friend Heather. Bill approached Nardole and offered her hand to him. “I never forgot you either. You can come with, if you want.”

Nardole looked up at her. “Bill! You survived too.” He started to weep harder, this time in joy. “I’m glad to have you here with me.” He shook his head. “But I can’t go with you. I’ve served my purpose in the Universe and it’s time for me to leave it.”

Bill was sad to just find him, only to lose him again. “You have served it well.” She leant down and kissed him on his forehead. “Be at peace, my friend.”

Nardole closed his eyes and whispered. “The Doctor was right about me. I was the stronger one to lead the people. But I still needed hope, witness, and reward. You have given me all three.”

Bill smiled at him. “You see? I told you that you would find the right words.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Master

The Master didn’t know what had happened. It was a calming almost sweet hug and Missy’s voice had a tenderness he didn’t know he would one day be capable. Then he felt the blade being pulled back out. “Now that was really very nicely done.”

A stiletto blade between the ribs. Rarely did a person even feel it enter. Sometimes they don’t even feel it being pulled out until it was far too late. Knives always do more damage coming out than they do going in.

Still, it wasn’t that big of a deal. He would regenerate. He almost wasn’t sure he wanted to regenerate into her, but well, she had killed him so skilfully, it was hard not to want it.

But then she was nattering on about standing with the Doctor and he simply couldn’t abide that. So he pulled out his laser screwdriver (honestly, who would have sonic?) and shot her in the back. He fell back laughing, because it was only right that he would be his own demise.

He laughed all the way down the shaft. Even as he entered his TARDIS, he was laughing. Because it was a perfect end. And the Doctor would never know how much he would change. He wouldn’t change. He would always be this. It was right. It was perfect.

He dragged himself to the console and started to hit buttons, he had to get out of there. He could see the tell-tale glow in his hands as he flipped switches. Then he threw the lever. His TARDIS dematerialised to an all-too familiar sound.

The Doctor had been an idiot. He should have gone down the shaft. But no, he had to sacrifice himself instead. He was always a damned fool. Which is why he always lost in the end. That thought too, made the Master giggle. Giggle. Like a woman. He saw the glow again, but had to hold it off.

Finally, the TARDIS landed, and he walked out… And he screamed as the fires of regeneration took him over.

When she opened her eyes, Missy looked down at her new body. “Oh this is going to be so much fun! It’s so soft. And curvy.”

She wasted no time getting back into her TARDIS, she needed to explore this new body properly. She got in and went to her wardrobe and slowly stripped out of the blood-stained suit. She was now completely naked and looked at herself in the mirror. She smiled. “It’s actually quite good, if I do say so myself. All those layers hid the delectable frame too well. But maybe that was for the best. Men always want what they can’t have.”

Ooo, she liked the idea of that being a theme for her. She was going to enjoy tormenting the Doctor. But first, she had to get to know him again. Something had happened between the time the Doctor had sent her to Gallifrey and meeting on that ship. She needed to know what. The Doctor was darker somehow and yet he had a hope that was sickening.

Now, there was work to do. So much work. She would make the Doctor pay and show him how she would never stand by his side. All the little pets the Doctor had, over the years, well. It was time to just go and see what the Doctor did. She couldn’t understand why her older self would one day want to stand with him. That was pure rubbish. But she had to understand why. There was only one thing for it… Time to explore the Doctor’s timeline.


	4. Missy

Missy watched as the first explosion of the impending destruction happened. She was conflicted. The Doctor had asked – practically begged – her to stand with him. When she had left him, she had taken his hand. In that moment, she saw what he planned to do. They (she and her younger self) had told him that it was futile. When she took his hand, she heard his words: _Without Hope. Without Witness. Without Reward_.

Those words echoed in her mind. And she suddenly understood that it didn’t have to be like that. Not for him. Not for the Doctor. He deserved better and for once, she was the one who could give that to him. Even if it was futile, she could give him hope, witness, and reward. They could do that for each other. Just once before they died. And more importantly, they could die together. That suddenly seemed very important to her, even though she couldn’t say why.

She had killed her younger self. She knew the Doctor probably wouldn’t approve, but she didn’t know how else to get rid of him. Besides, once he had called the lift, it was like the timelines snapped into place and she suddenly remembered quite a lot about how he had regenerated. So, even if the Doctor was displeased, he would respect the timelines. It would have to be enough.

She should have known better than to turn her back on herself. Well, that was fine. She hadn’t planned to leave this ship or even this floor. She had only wished to stand next to the Doctor. Just once.

When her younger self told her to not bother regenerating, she started to laugh. He had no idea what lay in store. Although the Doctor had saved her from the Time Lord Execution Machine, he couldn’t stop everything. The cellular shock wave that disabled her regenerative abilities still went through her. In a sense, she was mortal. She and the Doctor avoided talking about that in the early days. But when she started to cry frequently, it became a topic of discussion.

It was terribly ironic. Her regeneration abilities had already been suspended and her arrogant younger self told her that the full-blast would prevent regeneration. But that was only part of the humour. The Doctor had mentioned to her that she would always be her own worst enemy. That was never truer until this moment. That made her laugh all the harder, until she ran out of energy and she collapsed back.

She looked up at the sky, she couldn’t speak, but the thought crossed her mind, “ _No stars. No music. I’d hoped there’d be one of them. Just once to see and hear things as the Doctor did_.”

But that was the point. Without hope. Without witness. Without reward. She would die here. She would die alone. And she would never have anything that the Doctor promised her.

That was for the best, really. Because here at the end, she understood. The Doctor had saved her in every way he could. What she could give in return was a good death. She took one last breath and told herself, “ _Let go_.”


	5. Bill

Bill left the Doctor after saying their ‘not-good-byes’. She smiled even though she knew he couldn’t see it. It was getting harder and harder to fight the programming. She only hoped to hold on long enough to give the kids a chance to escape. She knew the Doctor had planned to die here. As she had told Nardole, she had died a long time ago, now it was only a matter of time until she was no longer herself.

The Doctor had taken on the attack from the front of the house. She took the back. She realised only too late that she shouldn’t have left him. The bulk of the Cybermen had arrived from his side. Still, she would do what she could to save the children. It was all about them now.

While she heard the various explosions caused by the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver, she destroyed the few Cybermen that came from the other side. The programming was hard to fight against, but she held to the memories of her mother. She clung to those thoughts and feelings with all her might. They had always saved her and this time she could use them to save someone else.

She didn’t see herself as killing the Mondasian humans. No. She could feel the programming in her head and knew that whatever Cybermen were, they were no longer humans.

Suddenly, and without warning, an explosion happened that she hadn’t expected, though she should have. Nardole and the Doctor during their last exchange had basically confirmed the inevitable. The force was so strong that it pushed her to the ground. Everything around her was alight in flame. The burning went on around her for what felt like hours. She closed her eyes and expected to never wake up again.

She wasn’t sure what had awakened her. There was a voice calling across the distances. It was soft and welcoming, but held a command as well. “Wait for me.”

It was as if it created a wall propelling thoughts of death and giving up away. It even seemed to act as an anaesthetic against any physical pain she thought she experienced. “Wait for me.”

But it was more than that. It beckoned her to get up and find the source of the voice. She slowly stood and realised she didn’t have as much control over the Cyber components as she used to have. And she realised the command that the voice held. “Find me.”

Suddenly, everything snapped into place for her. She knew it was the Doctor’s voice and hope flooded her. He was alive and she would find him. She started her trek through the destroyed landscape, following the direction from which she thought the voice came. The entire place was barren. Body parts of destroyed Cybermen littered her entire path. They served as a constant reminder of what awaited her as well.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but her remaining cyber connections told her was only about twenty minutes, she saw a human looking body ahead of her. She wanted to move faster, but she was slowly fading and she simply couldn't move well. But she had to get to him.

He looked oddly… okay. Looking at the destruction around her, he should have been in much worse shape than this. She fell to her knees at his side. She no longer heard the voice and she knew he was dead. There was no way a humanoid could survive what she had barely survived. She started to weep and the Doctor’s words now felt empty in her head. “Where there’s tears, there’s hope.”

She didn’t feel like there was any hope. While she mourned the loss of the great man that was the Doctor, she also realised that she was alone. She would die by herself and without anyone to cry over her as she cried over this great man. That made her cry all the harder.

She felt the rain pouring down and allowed it to wash away her sadness and regret. She only hoped that it would all end quickly. She didn’t want to face being here alone any longer….

…Different kind of living, indeed. Well. If she was alive and had the whole universe at her feet, then she was going to make the most of it.


End file.
